About Me

    My name is Alonda. I am a 20 year old women currently living in western Oregon with my husband and two (soon to be three) children. I started this website as a heat transfer business in early 2003, mainly as a way of feeling useful. . . or fulfilled. It worked for a while. Customers were placing orders and I happily filled their request. I was ordering supplies from suppliers, dealing with the customer complaints (which are inevitable in any business) and just generally feeling like an all around business women.

     However, it wasn't long before I began to push off orders, waiting two, sometimes three, weeks before sending orders out. I began to take less time and care with each order and approached customer relations with far less "customer" and much more "me" in mind. As you can imagine, this did not make for very good customer relations. After almost eight months in business, I had to take a long hard look at myself and my wants/needs. After all, my husband had been wonderfully supportive of my endeavor and we had spent a large portion of our meager savings on the necessary equipment. Walking away from it was equivalent to throwing money down the drain, but I had to live according to my beliefs. The business just did not "feel" important anymore. So, what was I going to do?

    In steps my writing. I have been doing channeled writing for approximately two years now, off and on. It began as a method of self healing that I stumbled into quite by accident (if there really is any such thing). My childhood was not a Rockwellian adventure, to say the least, and the turmoil of it had continued to haunt my  adult life as well. Everyday I was fighting against a wall of depression that threatened to consume me. I could feel it. And worse yet, it was affecting my relationship with my husband and my children. I was becoming distant, moody. My children did not know what to expect from me one minute to the next. I would fly off on a tirade with the slightest provocation.  My children have always been my pride and joy. I had always sworn that they would know love, caring and nurturing from me. The fact that I was not offering this to them was sending me even deeper into despair.

    I had reached the lowest point of my life, at least emotionally. I was struggling for answers. I loved my everyday life, my husband, my children, but I was emotionally dark and lost. I needed answers. In desperation I picked up a pen and began to write to myself. The passage below was my very first writing to myself...

    Day One

    Alonda,

    I've been trying to find you for a while now. I guess you were too busy trying to hide. Why were you trying to hide, even from me? I don't want to hurt you. I guess maybe at one time I did, but even then you were hiding from me. I guess I really never knew you, did I? If I did, please tell me when. I want to know you. Not what I perceived you to be but what you truly are. I would love for you to share all of your memories with me. All of you hopes, dreams, fears, beliefs. I truly want to get to know you. I've been trying for years now. I know you more now than I did three years ago but I still don't know you completely. Will you allow me to know you?

    As I finished I began to put down the pen, still wondering where I might find the answers that I sought. The pen refused to lay down, however. It seemed to take on a life of its own. It went to the paper and began to write...